Kinks, Fetishes, and the Human Condition

Kinks and fetishes are not just about sex. They are about human imagination, risk, health, and—at a deeper level—what it means to be alive in a fragile, finite body. Some practices enrich intimacy and spirit, while others can harm the body. Why do we have them, how healthy are they, and what does this say about us as humans?

What are kinks and fetishes?

• Kink: Broadly refers to sexual interests outside of what is considered “vanilla” in a given culture, such as bondage, power-play, or roleplay.

• Fetish: A more specific term, describing arousal tied to a particular object or non-sexual body part (like shoes or latex).

• Paraphilia vs. Disorder: According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), a paraphilia is not automatically a disorder. It only becomes one when it causes distress, impairment, or involves non-consenting individuals (American Psychiatric Association, 2022).

This distinction is crucial: atypical does not equal unhealthy.

How common are they?

Kinks and fetishes are far from rare. A representative Canadian survey found that 65% of participants reported having fantasies about BDSM, and 47% had acted them out at least once (Holvoet et al., 2017, Journal of Sexual Medicine). Another U.S. study reported that more than 30% of women and 53% of men had engaged in spanking, and 25% of women and 20% of men had tried bondage (Herbenick et al., 2017, Journal of Sex Research).

Where do they come from?

Researchers suggest several overlapping explanations:

• Conditioning: Sexual arousal can become linked with certain objects, contexts, or sensations. Psychologist G. Rachman’s classic experiments showed that pairing sexual arousal with neutral objects (like boots) could produce lasting fetishes (Rachman, 1966).

• Early experiences: Early erotic or emotional experiences can imprint and shape later interests (Seto, 2017, Annual Review of Clinical Psychology).

• Biopsychosocial influences: Genetics, temperament, attachment styles, and cultural exposure all contribute (Joyal et al., 2015).

• Culture and media: Pornography and online communities spread awareness and normalize practices, especially among younger generations (Drouin et al., 2021).

Why do we have them?

People turn to kink for many reasons—pleasure, intimacy, emotional release, identity exploration.

• One participant told Vice: “It’s intense. There are always intense infatuation and emotional intimacy.”

• Another said: “Being in the role of a submissive can be very relaxing because you don't have to make decisions.”

Clinical sexologists note that BDSM often fosters trust, communication, and aftercare, making it, in some ways, a model for healthy sexual relationships (Wiseman & Moser, 2015).

The health equation: pleasure vs. risk

Healthy aspects

• Enhances intimacy, trust, and communication (Herbenick et al., 2021).

• Provides stress relief and catharsis.

• Encourages negotiation and explicit consent, often more so than “vanilla” sex.

Risks

• Physical injury: Studies report bruises and soft-tissue injuries as the most common outcomes of BDSM play (Drouin et al., 2023).

• Choking/strangulation: A growing trend among young adults, but one with no safe method. Dr. Debby Herbenick (Indiana University) warns: “There is no zero-risk way of engaging in choking” (Herbenick, 2022). Risks include fainting, stroke, and brain injury.

• Autoerotic asphyxia: Extremely dangerous, linked to accidental deaths (Hucker, 2011).

• Psychological harm: When coercion, shame, or distress dominate, kink can move into unhealthy territory.

  
  

  Safety frameworks: SSC and RACK

  Within the kink community, two guiding principles exist:

  • SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual): Emphasizes minimizing risk.

  • RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink): Acknowledges that some play carries risks, but stresses informed consent and harm-reduction.

  Both prioritize communication, negotiation, and aftercare.

Do we sometimes sacrifice health for pleasure?

Yes—and not only in sex. Humans do this in many areas: eating sugar, extreme sports, even love itself. Kinks highlight the tension between safety and depth: we risk harm because we want to feel alive.

What this reveals about being human

Kinks and fetishes ultimately point to something profound:

• We are imaginative: Our fantasies exceed what our bodies can safely endure.

• We are mortal: Because life is finite, we crave intensity, not just safety.

• We are paradoxical: We protect our health, but we also chase risk.

• We are seekers: We want not just to survive, but to experience deeply.

Philosopher Martin Heidegger argued that awareness of death gives meaning to life. Kinks are one way people respond to that awareness: pushing limits, playing with danger, finding depth in the fleeting fact of existence.

As one kink practitioner put it: “It’s about more than sex. It’s about feeling alive.”

Conclusion

Kinks and fetishes are not aberrations—they are expressions of our humanity. They can be joyful, healing, and intimate, but they also remind us of the delicate balance between pleasure and harm. In the end, they reflect the central paradox of being human: we are fragile and temporary, yet we long to live fully, even if that means brushing against danger.

Sources

• American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR).

• Drouin, M., et al. (2023). Exploring marks and injuries related to BDSM sexual experiences. Archives of Sexual Behavior.

• Herbenick, D., et al. (2017). Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adults. Journal of Sex Research, 54(4–5), 433–456.

• Herbenick, D. (2022). Quoted in public health reporting on sexual choking, Indiana University.

• Holvoet, L., et al. (2017). The prevalence of BDSM-related fantasies and activities in the general population. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 14(9), 1152–1163.

• Hucker, S. J. (2011). Autoerotic asphyxia: Forensic, medical, and psychiatric aspects. Journal of Forensic Sciences, 56(1), 268–272.

• Joyal, C. C., et al. (2015). Paraphilic interests: An examination of prevalence, correlates, and related fantasies in a community sample. Journal of Sex Research, 52(7), 679–700.

• Rachman, S. (1966). Sexual fetishism: An experimental analogue. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 4(4), 273–280.

• Seto, M. C. (2017). The puzzle of male chronophilias. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 13, 381–405.

• Wiseman, J. P., & Moser, C. (2015). Bound to be free: The SM experience. Routledge.

• Vice Media. (2018–2022). Interviews with kink practitioners on intimacy, submission, and roleplay.